20 Legendary Chuck Norris Jokes (Facts): The Ultimate Countdown
For decades, Chuck Norris "facts" have been the internet’s favorite way to celebrate the ultimate action legend. These jokes are pure, over-the-top gold - the kind that make you laugh while secretly wondering if they might actually be true.
Here’s the definitive top 20, counted down from solid classics to the undisputed #1. Scroll slowly… and brace yourself.
Special Video Feature Watch Chuck Norris himself read some of these legendary facts in this classic 2006 TV appearance: Chuck Norris Reads His Own Jokes (2006)
20. Chuck Norris doesn’t do push-ups. He pushes the Earth down.
Even gravity knows when to submit.
19. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
The clock asks permission first.
18. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Doors don’t revolve when Chuck is around - they surrender.
17. The Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris every night before bed.
True fear is mutual.
16. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until they give him the information he wants.
Knowledge doesn’t stand a chance.
15. Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
Even the dead need heroes.
14. Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
He got bored the second time.
13. When the flu gets a shot, it’s called a Chuck Norris shot.
Viruses don’t stand a chance.
12. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
The universe just makes an exception.
11. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Time itself waits for his approval.
10. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard his foot broke the speed of light.
Science is still recovering.
Must-watch roundhouse action: Chuck Norris Greatest Roundhouse Kicks Compilation
9. If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper… what beats all three? Chuck Norris.
Game over.
8. Chuck Norris doesn’t chase people. He just stares at them until they die of fright.
His glare is a certified weapon.
7. When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he already had a missed call from Chuck Norris.
History started with a Chuck call.
6. Chuck Norris can make a snowman out of rain.
Weather obeys instantly.
5. Chuck Norris doesn’t call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
Reality adjusts to him.
4. Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Death still has nightmares.
3. Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
Breakfast physics reverses on command.
2. When God said ‘Let there be light,’ Chuck Norris said ‘Say please.’
Even the Creator shows respect.
1. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
The undisputed king of all Chuck Norris jokes - still unbeatable.
